Even the best of kids will act out from time to time, so my question to you is how do you discipline? As I mentioned in my previous posting, I am a fan of the time-out method myself. On occasion my daughter will try to fight the punishment and run away from the time-out chair, but for the most part it works well for us. Just this past weekend, my lovely three-year-old had trouble comprehending that you can’t eat all of your Halloween candy in one evening. Ever try rationalizing with a toddler holding a plastic pumpkin full of candy? Let me tell you, it is no easy feat. It was late and I knew she was tired, but it didn’t make the very loud crying any less unreasonable or piercing to my ears. Finally, when we could all hear again, I told her to go to her time-out chair until she felt better and was ready to join the rest of us in the family room (sans candy). When she calmed down, she apologized and I explained to her that we could have some more candy tomorrow (if she behaved), but for that moment it was goodnight for the candy and goodnight for Brianna.
The time-out technique is discussed as a good strategy at first but not in the long term. An expert in developmental studies argues that while pediatricians recommend parents use time-out as their preferred form of discipline, it is only effective in the short term. She says that as children grow older, this method will not teach them to manage their own behavior. Interestingly, she suggests that time-out should not be used as a punishment, and it should instead be used as a temporary way to remove the child from a situation where they are acting inappropriately. She discusses her belief that discipline should be about teaching which she backs up by saying there is no one form of teaching that works with every child. She says time-out is about giving a child private time and space to calm down after being removed from an unmanageable situation.
Another good point this child development scholar makes is that sometimes kids will fight being taken out of a situation to go to time-out. Naturally, parents tend to respond by forcing them to stay where they’re supposed to be, she discusses how instead of teaching the child how to manage their anger, it becomes a battle of wills between parent and child. It becomes counter-productive.
Although this researcher does acknowledge that it isn’t always easy negotiating with a toddler and that constructive forms of discipline should be used, I think it has to be unique to each child. My daughter thrives on routine, and because of this I feel a routine punishment is also necessary. I’ve learned that if I try to implement different forms of punishment, the opportunity to teach her a lesson becomes lost in the chaos of something new. My daughter does interpret time-out as a form of punishment. Personally I feel that consequences are necessary and while they should be a learning experience, they should also be what they’re intended to be; a punishment.
Every parent has their own style of parenting and thus their own style of discipline. There is obviously no easy way to figure out what works best for you, since any form of discipline comes from an unpleasant situation. Ultimately, kids will be kids, and like I said, even the best behaved will have their moments. As a parent you handle these situations however you feel is best for your child. As this child development expert says, “It should teach the child something about what is reasonable behavior and what is not and not just be a demonstration of power on the part of the parent. It’s that understanding of what is reasonable and expected that will help [youngsters] get along in the larger communities of school and the workplace as they get older” (Parents, 2001).
(Our time-out chair)
Parents should use ‘time-out’ judiciously—not effective in long term. (2001, January). USA Today. Retrieved November 3, 2010, from the EbscoHost Database.
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