Nature or Nurture?

 I’m sure every mother has had that moment where their child is crying for what seems like no reason at all, which can be incredibly frustrating. As it turns out, it can be for emotional reassurance purposes from their parents; they just want to feel loved and nurtured at that moment. (Now lets be clear, if underneath of the crying you hear “IIII waaantt fruiittt snackkkss” and it is accompanied by flailing arms and legs, that is still just called a temper tantrum.) But for those other frustrated mothers out there, rest assured, your child is not a bad kid. It is argued that well-nurtured and well-adjusted children may be able to cope better because they don’t need that extra encouragement, but every child deals with things in their own unique way.

From the time they are infants on, babies and children crave nurturing from their parents.   Infants like to feel emotionally nourished which can be done through simple things like diapering, hugging and giving lots of personal attention when it is needed.   As children learn to self comfort, they often adopt comfort items, usually a doll or blanket, while others take to sucking their finger or thumb.  It is discussed that babies as young as 10 days old will sit quietly between diaper changes if they are certain that their stomachs will be kept well fed.  “That's why you need to meet your infant's needs promptly. Research shows that the more quickly and lovingly you relieve your baby's distress in the first three months, the less she will need to rely on crying. She'll learn to express her needs through more mature actions, such as gesturing, jabbering, or reaching out her arms to be picked up” (Honig, 2004).   Overall, it is suggested that repetitive soothing, nurturing, and talking to throughout infancy helps in developing a better adjusted toddler.  Studies have shown that a secure bond between parent and child early in development motivates early learning.  Well adjusted toddlers work harder at solving tasks and problems than their less emotionally adjusted peers.  They don’t give up easily and are more comfortable asking for help and accepting suggestions.  “They seem zestful rather than irritated about challenges, such as stringing a large bead on a shoelace or working on a busy nesting activity. And they're more likely to play peacefully with peers” (Honig, 2004). 

            As a mother, I often wonder if I’m doing things right, and what I should do differently or better.  Being the parent of children so small, it is sometimes overwhelming to think that how I raise them now will ultimately impact the people they become.  Reading this article actually made me feel better, because I was able to relate with a lot of the points made.  People have always told my husband and I that we were “lucky” to have such good babies, since neither of them cried too much, but I’ve always preferred to believe there is more to it than just luck.  We’ve always believed that if we shower our kids with love and affection the correct parenting decisions will come naturally and coincide.  Once they understand they understand that they are loved and that they will be nurtured and cared for, their sense of security becomes established and that allows the child to open up entirely.  While we obviously have our moments, overall, when my children cry there is an easy resolve.  Below is a picture of me with my children and my idea of nurturing.

 

Honig, A. (2004). Giving the gift of security.  Scholastic Parent & Child. Retrieved November 28, 2010 from Ebscohost Database.